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I sent an email last week to my daughter's adoptive dad asking about her birthday and upcoming graduation. Here is the reply I got...

Me:
Hi Bob, I hope Jordan had a great 18th birthday and got to celebrate it on a great vacation! I am wondering when she graduates?

Bob:
Hi Barb,

Yes, Jordan had a great birthday, we were in Thailand and we all loved it.

These last few years Jordan has gotten really busy with school, friends, and activities but we had told her that we wanted to keep meeting with you until she was 18, then she could decide. At this point Jordan has decided that she does not want to continue having contact with you. We hope you won't take it badly and that you understand that Jordan is a young person with a lot going on and she just doesn't want this now. Who knows what she will want in the future and we feel it would be good if you keep us updated with your address,and we will continue to send our Christmas card.

Jordan showed us your note that you will respect any level of communication that she wants and it is our hope that you will respect her wishes.

...so I am very sad right now and extremely disappointed. However, I will respect her wishes. I have been bracing myself for this to happen, but still took me by surprise.

Aw, Barbie, I’m so sorry.

I'm so sorry, Barbie. Surprised also. Hopefully she'll change her mind sooner rather than later.

Sorry to hear that, but she is still a teenager and enjoying her freedom, even if it is from you. It is likely that as she gets older and more mature, she will be in contact again, so be patient, as hard as that is.

Wow, so sorry. But, as others have said, she is young and may change her mind again as she matures.
Velda

Sorry to hear that, Barbie. That must be extremely difficult for you. It must hurt a lot.

Try not to take it personally - not at all unusual for young people of this age to make this kind of decision.

I hope, as time passes and she becomes more mature, this will change, and she will seek you out.

Best wishes,

Anne

I am so sorry Barbie. ((((HUGS))))). I also think as time goes by she will change her mind but I know that doesn't make it any easier for you now.

that is so sad...but I am sure that one day she will change her mind... one day I will tell you a story
of a father and a daughter and no I don't want to met you but she did and is now a precious part of the family
take care keep up hope and one day the phone will ring just keep the parents updated
sheila

So sorry Barbie. Keep the faith and the door open. Hopefully she will eventually change her mind. (((((HUGS)))))
Sandi

So sorry to hear this Barbie. But she is young and things change once they get older and settled in a career and their own family. Hopefully, once she is more mature, she will contact you. Keep the faith!

Barbie, I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure your heart is broken. I know you were hoping for more in your relationship as she ventured out on her own. She must just need the time to discover who she is. Time can change attitudes so never give up hope. Hugs Rita

So sad to hear this news Barbie. I agree to keep the faith, especially when she may start her own family. And send her a separate card too besides one to the family but just mention "thinking of you" and dont push. She may come around.

I'm so sorry you're hurt, Barbie. Virtual hugs for you.

Keep in mind that it's normal for an 18-year-old to separate from the elders. They have to find their adult self, and it usually takes space and time. The kid next door is a college freshman this year, and his mother has had a rough year!

Generally they get more friendly after they've found their footing. I bet your time with her will come.

My older son was easy, but my younger son spent his senior year of high school and even into college pretending he did not even know me. His senior year, he had a part-time job, so he would come in late, check the refrigerator for food, and then retreat to his bedroom with his door closed. Questions would get one word answers. Conversation was impossible. It took several years before he would start a conversation, and I still have no idea what happened in college!!

Think about yourself at that age and how you got along with your parents, and be as patient as you can.

I read your post earlier in the day but was at work and not really able to respond. I thought of what Lyn mentioned. If and when she ever decides to have children I wonder if the will more fully understand what being a mother means and the life that she was able to experience because of your difficult decisions. And if she doesn't want contact for now, maybe you could write letters at important times of the years and seal them and save them for when/if that door opens.