Miracles
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:32 pmI received a letter a few days ago from my stepson Ben, who as many of you recall is on permanent commitment at the state mental hospital for killing his father. I wrote a while back about how I attended a tree-planting ceremony on the hospital's considerable grounds to honor my late DH's memory, and how I hadn't seen Ben for several years. He told me then that he would write me a letter.
What I read in Ben's letter is a testament to the human spirit. He had a substance abuse problem (most mentally ill people do ... as they try to manage what can be scary symptoms), and wrote that he has stopped using (yes, you can get "other" drugs anywhere you are), is stable on his meds. He is also is working at a job within the hospital, taking a distance English course from BYU and has earned enough trust to be allowed outside the building (but still on the hospital grounds) with staff.
And he apologized to me. During the pendency of the criminal process, he was unable to make any sort of statement about the crime (everything was recorded), and I hadn't seen him since that all ended. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear him say that. It was welcome, but also stirred up a lot of "stuff" and has had me tipped over for the last several days.
Ben's "accomplishments" may not seem like much, but you have to understand how absolutely untethered he was to this world (he had to scream "to keep the world turning") to realize how miraculous is this transformation. He is taking responsibility and seeking dignity within very difficult circumstances, both in his physical surrounding and within the violent and suicidal thoughts he still has to manage.
We see the silly adage, "Bloom where you are planted," but Ben has truly done that. I just wanted to honor that with you wonderful women.
What I read in Ben's letter is a testament to the human spirit. He had a substance abuse problem (most mentally ill people do ... as they try to manage what can be scary symptoms), and wrote that he has stopped using (yes, you can get "other" drugs anywhere you are), is stable on his meds. He is also is working at a job within the hospital, taking a distance English course from BYU and has earned enough trust to be allowed outside the building (but still on the hospital grounds) with staff.
And he apologized to me. During the pendency of the criminal process, he was unable to make any sort of statement about the crime (everything was recorded), and I hadn't seen him since that all ended. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear him say that. It was welcome, but also stirred up a lot of "stuff" and has had me tipped over for the last several days.
Ben's "accomplishments" may not seem like much, but you have to understand how absolutely untethered he was to this world (he had to scream "to keep the world turning") to realize how miraculous is this transformation. He is taking responsibility and seeking dignity within very difficult circumstances, both in his physical surrounding and within the violent and suicidal thoughts he still has to manage.
We see the silly adage, "Bloom where you are planted," but Ben has truly done that. I just wanted to honor that with you wonderful women.
The letter helped in healing you both....