How do you deal with fear?

[JudyJB]

I think we all have some fear. I was really getting nervous and fearful at the last. Driving this big rig is very scary at times, but fairly comfortable at other times. It took me a while to learn to use my mirrors and watch out for the rear end so I did not destroy anything as I passed it.

I feel comfortable in campgrounds because there are other people around, and often, you get a lot of offers of help when people realize you need it. If you need extra security, you can bungee cord your door at night and close drapes early so no one can see in.

Surprisingly, I am sleeping the best at night I have in years! I have also lost 10 pounds in the last 45 days, probably because I am no longer behind that desk so many hours a day and am out moving around.

The thing is that if we allow our fear to prevent us from doing what we want to do, we will spend our lives in our small worlds without ever having known what we are really capable of doing!! I told my son if I crash and burn up at the side of the road, at least I will have tried.

Hope this helps. Call me if you want to talk.

[Lynn2]

MizDeb;
I get stuck sometimes, overwhelmed and unsure. I found this quote, I'm note sure by whom, I read it and remind myself to just keep moving forward doing something. There is lot of support here, keep reaching out.
CLynn

What do i Fear?
I Fear stagnation and lack of progress.
I Fear never reaching my potential and being average.
I Fear being forgotten...the past...yesterdays news.
I Fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night.
I Fear letting those i love down, letting myself down.
I Fear settling, giving in to the "That's just the way it is" mindset.
I Fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along.
These Fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my Fear.

[Suchomlin]

I read something very interesting recently. No matter what decision one makes there is something called opportunity cost. In other words, when one makes one specific decision, the opportunity of the reward that other decision would result in are given up. I think you are going in the right direction. Of course, you family and friends want what they think is the best for you. Life must be lived for oneself to a certain degree. Follow your heart and your soul's guidance and ignore 'logic' just a little bit. I think our instincts will always guide us in the right direction. Life is an adventure, go with the gusto. Truly wishing you the best.

[Nasoosie]

I am ashamed to say I deal with my fears like a two-year-old------I rant, rave, scream, have panic attacks, yell that "I can't do this!" and on and on. Once I settle down, and talk things out with my kids, who, thank heavens, support me and most of my life's decisions, bring me out of my terror and back into the realm of realities. I suppose they worry about me out on the roads by myself, but not half as much as I do! And, if they do feel worries, they never let me know!

We are so much more able to deal with things and life than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. For me, I need confidence boosts over and over in order to feel adequate or possibly even good with doing things. I am the one who wanted desperately to jump from a plane with a parachute on, went through the sport-parachute-training course, took off in that neat little plane in Orange, MA, got out on the little step of the doorless piper cub, hands on the wingstrut, chute on my back, and when the instructor said JUMP! my feet jumped free, but my hands held onto that wing strut with minds of their own! I yelled at him to pry my hands free, and he tried, lord knows he tried! We had to land with me still out on the little step after he got my feet back on it, as I was so paralyzed and humiliated by then he couldn't manoever me and the still-closed chute back into the plane! All of this my father was on the ground filming, to boot. I tore into that camera and destroyed that film, then took to my bedroom for over a week and refused to speak to anyone. The following week, I tried again----can't believe that school allowed me to do it! Never even got out the door that time! I finally came to some understanding with myself, decided that although I really desired to experience floating free on the breeze with an open chute, my mind would never accept the obviously against-life decision to launch myself into space to make it happen. And, though I still yearn to feel that, I forgive myself for not being able to go against my nature to JUMP! If I could EASE into space, perhaps I would!

Since then, I try to ask myself when fear attacks, "Is this a life or death situation?" And it never is, really, (other than roller coasters and elevators which I know better than to try any more!) so I force myself to go, still trembling and raving, into the unknown. I emerge on the other side with more confidence and self-assurance that I really am not the wimp I feel I am sometimes. Fear is meant to keep us alive, not stifled and unable to live with reasonable risks to allow us to experience some thrills and enjoyment above the mundane daily living behaviors. Life on the safe side can get dull, boring, and just plain too "safe" for any fun whatsoever!

Hence, though not without fears and trepidation, I will once again take off for FL this fall by myself, hauling my trailer, hopefully with less ranting than before! And, what's more, I may even enjoy the trip a tad this time!

Give yourself the chance! Unless you are in space, you can always back out!

[Carolinagal]

A wonderful life experience situation you posted, Soos, that should help anyone with fears for any reason, to really think about and move on with their life, If its really something they want to do. The easing, instead of jumping can be used in any situations we find ourselves thinking we want to do also.

You have such a great way with words, and your experiences , the more I hear the more I have to admire the person you are.

CArol

[Pooker]

Oh, Soos - thanks for sharing your fears. I am still chuckling (with you, not at you). Gotta give yourself points for actually getting into the plane! I wouldn't even consider it! But I'm still laughing, picturing your all out tantrum.

Sharon keeps saying she wants to get me on her gorgeous motorcycle and I keep saying, "Not in this lifetime, Sweetie". Ain't happening. Jumping out of planes is right up there, too. Ditto bungie jumping. ETC, ETC. I'm a card carrying wimp who is content to watch others take the chances.

And apologies to all the animal lovers, but if a snake finds its way to my yard in the center of a cement and rock covered mobilehome park - he's history! Hey, driving a motorhome is a piece of cake compared to facing down something that slithers!

Pooker

[Acadianmom]

I'm not afraid of flying, just don't like the process, but I never had any wish to jump out of a perfectly good plane. I even thought about taking flying lessons in college. Back then lessons were almost affordable for a poor college student. I quit riding fair rides after studying the safety pins they are held together with. I have no desire to ride a motorcycle. My first DH was almost killed on one. There are people I will not ride with because I don't like their driving. My son says I'm trying to live to 100. I don't know about that, I just know there are things I will do and things I will not do.

Martha

[linann]

There is no reason to rush into anything. Just little challenges one step at a time. Most of us have fears . . . there is always something. The amazing thing for me is fears change over time. Your son he will adjust as you are more comfortable.

I traveled alone for years because of my job, but it was airplanes, rental cars and hotels. It taught me that I am fine by myself and can always find something to do. I really admire the women in this group who are full-timing. They are quite an adventurous and resourceful group, and doing what they want.

[JudyJB]

Just remember that no change is ever permanent. That is why I stored enough furniture that I could change my mind and move into another condo or apartment.

So what is the worst that can happen? Even an accident is likely to not be fatal, and if it is, you won't be around to worry about it. And RV accidents are pretty rare. I was afraid of being horribly bored, but that has not happened yet.

I had never driven a motorhome other than two brief test drives. My son had to drive home ahead of me because he was afraid to follow me and see how I was driving. However, I have safely driven 6,000 miles in the last two months, admittedly with a couple of scary spots, but all in all, it has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. I have gotten in and out of shopping centers, gas stations, parks, fast food restaurants and a lot of other places without wiping out anything or damaging my vehicle. I think my sons are a little more confident and supportive now, also.

we will all be around to support you, so make your own decision the way you see fit.

[Echo]

Now I am ready to call realtor and I am scared that the house will sell to fast and yet also scared that it won't sell and I will never get on the road. How many of you have felt this way. Is it normal? I have let everyone in the family and at work believe that the plan is to buy something in town closer to work and family so I don't have to listen to the flack that I got when I mentioned it initially. My son is so totally against my going full time that he doesn't want to hear about it so I am keeping quiet for now.
I also get scared of giving up everything I have worked so long and hard for, yet as I throw things into the dumpster I feel lighter and more free of stuff. Make any sense?

Deb

If there is a person anywhere who says they have never felt fear? Then they are lying!!! Fear is a funny thing and it comes in many, many different disguises. Some big, some small. But it's different for each and every one of us. For me there are 2 things that strike absolute fear in me. And it doesn't involve anything to do with RV'ing. Those 2 things are dentists and praying mantis's. They turn me into a puddle of quivering mush!

But this is my life, the whole thing, not just the RV'ing. And as such I need to and will live my life for ME! Not for anyone else. Thankfully both of my kids were supportive of me doing this. The son worries more about it but he also calls me his "Gypsy Mother". I think he gets a kick in introducing me that way to people too. But had either or both kids been against this life style for me? Oh well, it's not their decision or life. I would have still done it. No one can live my life but me. I am the one who has to make the decisions. I am the one who has to be happy with my life because "I" am the most important person to my life. I love my kids and my grandson with all my heart. But I wonder how happy I would be in a life that was not of my choosing? If I lived my life now according to 'them'. I've lived a long enough time and in that time I lived with-in someone elses idea of life. Of how someone else wanted me to live my life. Now it's my turn and my time.

And as it stands now? I will never go back into a stick and brick. My little trailer has all the room I need. It supplies everything for a comfortable life. What would I ever need with an apartment or house? I can park not just in a campground but a mobile home park and that would be just fine. Actually a campground is better because then I don't have to worry about the lawn or any upkeep on anything except for the trailer.

[mizdeb]

I have been reading and thinking about all you have said. I get it, but now that I talked to a realtor I have learned that though we have mostly renovated, added on two additional rooms the base of my house is still a 1964 mobile home and not worth a heck of a lot. Not even sure if we could find someone to buy it as there is no finance co or bank who will finance it so it has to be a cash sale. I wanted to have enough to pay off my truck and camper with a cushion for any major repairs, but it looks like that won't happen now. The only way I could swing it is if I find a workamping position with a salary as well as a site. And can not look for anything until I have a sale on the house. What do you do in a case like that. I could close up the house for the winter, but then I would have to deal with the rodent population that thinks this is a free for all in the winter. By the time winter sets in I feel that I should be brought up on cruelty to animal charges.

Dreams of a larger camper are just that now with no hope of anything bigger. But then I have said right along I would live inthe one I have if it came down to that.

Needless to say I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I am in freefall right now. Soos maybe that is what it feels like when you let go.

As I read this over I feel kind of like I am changing places mentally with Les. He was always the glass is half empty person who could always find a reason not to do something unless the bank account was overflowing while I was the opposite and would just go with the flow and enjoy what I could with what I had. I have been reading about the plans for the Florida GTG and so want to be there but it is 1400 miles if I am not in the area in January and I have to worry about storms going and coming. I didn't think about that in 1992 when we went from Maine to Florida for a week in December. What is different other than 20 years. Am I getting old mentally as well as physically?

As the days pass I feel that I am more and more frustrated with work, but can I financially quit right now? Can I get through another winter in New England? Could I work till the end of the year and then leave. Would have taxes and insurance paid without worrying about that issue.

I know I am just rambling at this point and I apologize.

Have a great day ladies!
Deb

[Dawn309]

Deb,

Could you do an Owner Finance? There are a lot of people out there who cannot get funding from their bank but would love a chance to own their home. Of course, do this through a Title Company so you would be protected. This would give you some monthly income to travel on. That might give you more Workamping options. Also, the new owners could deal with the rodents.

[dayspring39]

Oh Deb as I read the posts it helped me so much... and as I read your last post I too thought of how my personality began to balance out when I had no one else to be the other side... I was mostly the side that was up and took chances like you did... then I swung to the other side and was off the chart knowing nothing could be done... now I would like to believe I am an equal balance between one side and the other side if you know what I mean... some real smart person could tell us why this happens but maybe it is enough to know it happens...
You will survive...
Kathleen

[ellenw]

Deb - I don't know you, but I wish I could hug you right now. You've expressed so much that I've felt, and I suspect that all of us have felt at some point. Just for today, take a few deep breaths and lower your shoulders.

[Pooker]

Deb - first of all - ramble away. That's what we are here for.

I had much the same problem. It was hard enough getting rid of a huge 3-slide motorhome that we had only owned for 7 months when my DH died, but the large double wide with its high energy sapping ceilings and weed infested yard was killing me. I wanted to get out from under the mortgage, the backbreaking work, and the constant plumbing problems.

I told the realtors that there was no way I was going to install a permanent foundation and all the other things needed so someone else could get a mortgage! They would have to find a cash buyer. Eventually they did. Someone who buys up property to rent out. Yes, I had to come down a lot on my price. But I just want to say that it IS possible. All I wanted out of the deal was enough money to pay cash for a smaller place and that was possible, too.

There is such a thing as selling "as is". And there are folks out there who will pay cash. Keep your dreams alive. It might take some time, but everything will settle into place eventually. Or, you could always become a landlord and rent it out yourself. Get a management company to handle everything for you and even if you just break even it is a plus! It wouldn't give you the fistful of cash you need, but you might be able to get your dream financed another way (use the current place as collateral perhaps?).

Think outside the box. And I know exactly what you mean about the personality thing. Our balance has been taken away and it's hard to find our true north. It'll take awhile.

Okay, now I'm rambling.

Pooker