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by **BirdbyBird** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 7:27 pm

Sent to me by one of my English Cocker People!

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS - Funny, true or not

> >
> > EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
> >
> > 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
> > My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
> > I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> > dress and began to take off her underwear.
> > Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
> > and I was in the wrong one.
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
> > San Francisco
> >
> > 2. At the beginning of my shift
> > I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
> > and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
> >
> > 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
> > 'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
> > Seattle , WA
> >
> > 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
> > news when I told a wife that her husband had
> > died of a massive myocardial infarct.
> >
> > Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
> > reporting to the rest of the family that he had
> > died of a 'massive internal fart.'
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
> >
> > 4. During a patient's two week follow-up
> > appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
> > me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
> > one of his medications..
> > ' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch....
> > The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
> > out of places to put it !'
> > I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
> > I wouldn't see.
> > Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
> >
> > Now, the instructions include removal of
> > the old patch before applying a new one.
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
> > Norfolk , VA
> >
> > 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> > I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
> > After a look of complete confusion she answered . .
> > ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
> > Corvallis , OR
> >
> > 6. I was performing rounds at the
> > hospital one morning and while checking
> > up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
> > breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
> > except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
> > to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied.
> > I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
> > a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
> > Detroit ,
> >
> > 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
> > when a young woman with purple hair styled
> > into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
> > of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
> > entered . . . It was quickly determined that
> > the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
> > scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the
> > operating
> > table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
> > been dyed green and above it there was a
> > tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
> >
> > Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
> > wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
> > which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
> >
> > Submitted by RN no name
> >
> > AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
> >
> > 8 As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
> > I was quite embarrassed when performing female
> > pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
> > I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
> > The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
> > out laughing
> > and further embarrassing me.
> > I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
> > 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
> > She replied with tears running down
> > her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .
> >
> > 'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
> > 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
> >
> > Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
> >
> >
> >