Shopping Trip

[sharon]

This was sent to me by one of our members and I just had to share it!! Thanks Char for my laugh today!

KOHL's SHOPPING TRIP


(This is just too funny! This could only be true; you simply can't make
this stuff up!)


Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down
at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit..no flies,
no smell.. What business could that poor kitty have had here?' murmured Ellen..'


Come on, Ellen, let's just go...'But Ellen had already grabbed her
shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll just put my things in your bag,
and then I'll use this tissue.. .'


She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper
to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Kohl's bag and cover
it. They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their
goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left
Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while
they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.


They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over
to K & W Cafeteria. They went through the serving line and sat down at a window table.
They had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still on the trunk.


But not for long! As they ate, they noticed a large woman in a red
gingham shirt stroll by their car. She looked quickly this way and that,
and then took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked
out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed
look of amazement.


It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond.
'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen.. 'The nerve of that woman!'
Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she
thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief.


Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her
gaze, Kay recognized the large woman in the red gingham shirt with the
Kohl's bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing her tray
toward the cashier.


Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After leaving the register,
the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty
chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green
beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.
Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt
audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered
into the bag.


Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The
noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing
and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly
recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while
she administered the Heimlich maneuver.


A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who
remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the
ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes, the large woman with the red
gingham shirt emerged, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney.


Two well-trained EMT volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance,
while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the
distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance
doors....... ......... the Kohl's Bag perched on her stomach!!


God does take care of those who do bad things!


AND once in a while...He allows us to witness!

[AlmostThere]

[Excel]

You're welcome Sharon....Had to share it...I have that visual type mind & I pictured this happening all the way to the end....then of course....just cracked up....Hope it brings a laugh to the rest of our group....

[BirdbyBird]

sad and funny and true......

[Redetotry]

That was funny, but yet sad.
It reminded me of a friend telling me she was at a meeting at her church and this lady whipped out her purse and showed them the dead squirrel she had just picked up because it looked like it hadn't been dead long. Being stunned into silence no one could even comment. The next Sunday the lady showed up with treats for the after service coffee hour IN THE SAME bag!

[sharon]

EWWWWWW!!

[Bethers]

That was funny, but yet sad.
It reminded me of a friend telling me she was at a meeting at her church and this lady whipped out her purse and showed them the dead squirrel she had just picked up because it looked like it hadn't been dead long. Being stunned into silence no one could even comment. The next Sunday the lady showed up with treats for the after service coffee hour IN THE SAME bag!

I was laughing all the way through this - until this comment - and then, like Sharon .... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I bet no one ate any of her goodies.